Today... I had a moment.

Today started out like every other day. Alarm goes off at 6:15, I hit snooze a couple of times, and eventually get up around 6:30. Go to wake up the kids, and as usual, they don't wanna get up. Then there's my husband...who's alarm has been going off since around 5:30, and he doesn't want to get up either. I co sleep with my youngest, so if anyone else co- sleeps- you know - I didn't get "real" sleep... and I got maybe 5-6 hours at best. Anyway, I finally get the kids up, get them dressed, take them in to school, and through the breakfast line. Today was whole grain biscuits with gravy, and fruit. Yep, I'm that mom that is too lazy, or tired..or not peppy enough to get up and make my kids breakfast at the crack of dawn. I am NOT a morning person, and the school here has pretty darn good food, and choices...same type of things I'd have for them here anyway. Okay so I came home, immediately I get ready for class...then it's time to head out....normally I take Beck to my cousins, who watches him while I'm in class, but today daddy stayed home with him, so I had a little extra time to go a little slower. I go to three classes on campus. First break is only 5 minutes in between, and second is only 10.
I got out of class, and since Beck was here with daddy, I was able to come home and relax while they napped for about half an hour before I went and got the big kids from school. I enjoy the quiet moments when I can because once the big kids are home- chaos ensues. I looked around, I've got a table full of laundry to fold and put away (in the middle of my living room no less), two sinks full of dishes, and toys everywhere....don't even care- I'm SITTING here for this half an hour when I get the chance. Go get the big kids, come home, do snack...send them outside to play... Beck is up by now, so he is cranky pants after nap...so I hold him - to do EVERYTHING>... when he finally chills out...it's time to start dinner, and somehow that's an invitation for EVERYONE to come into the kitchen and ask me for a MILLION things...they need this, they want to help, the little one is dumping crap out, and tearing my pencils up... and so on... I pretty much have a meltdown this time of day, every single day. EVERY. day. I am only ONE person...I cannot please 4 other people and 2 dogs all at once. I cannot do it, and I know I can't....but they don't.
Fast forward to bedtime- Beck won't go to sleep without cuddles, and I was so frustrated because I knew I had so much to do before bedtime that I couldn't do because he needed cuddles. I look over and he's looking at me, just smiling, then he just puts his hand on my face and gives me a kiss, and then lays down and looks at me with that same smile just staying on his face. So sweet, so peaceful. HOw dare I?! I realized in that moment- that IS what matters...those damn dishes and those piles of clothes don't matter...they just don't.... THIS Is the moment that matters. He just needed ME.... just for one hour or so- just to chilll out and just be with him, calm him, love him. He finally went to sleep, and I felt so good just laying there looking at his sweet face...God I love that kid... I love him so freaking much..just being by him made me so calm, and made me feel loved.
Afterward I was able to get up and go love on the crazy big kids...hugs and kisses... and I dunno..just seeing all their sweet faces at night time makes me realize how much I love them. I know it gets crazy.... I know they can be difficult, but all they want is me. My time, my love, my attention.
I have got to stop saying "in a minute",  and "can it wait"... because NO it can't. I won't lie- i'm not going to stop cooking dinner, or put down everything right when they ask- but from now on- I AM going to make sure when I'm present- I'm actually THERE and involved..not just going through the motions...and once 8 hits- I'm DONE... done for the day... it will save my sanity.
I knowt his is just a bunch of babbles, I just felt so good seeing my babies today- after allthe chaos... just looking at them and seeing that no matter what- they love me for me...
now if i just had a maid......