It just isn't good enough for me.

Well I wasn't chosen as one of the 18 on the panels list. I can still make this though- with votes. It ends on the 15th, and I'd like to say I'm doing well, but I really have no idea. I've been out and about in this little town networking, and telling everyone I can all about Spread the Love and what I am trying to achieve. I am so happy for the chosen finalists. They deserve it, they all seem like such wonderful people. I actually have become friends with one of the girls. I think she's pretty awesome and I hope she makes it all the way.
With that being said, I've seen so many people say how happy they are just to have made it this far. Is it weird that I'm not?I WANT to make it further. I want to push myself further, and I'm not satisfied with only making it to this round. I've never been one of those girls that settles for last place because I did my best. I want to be first place because I worked my booty off to get there. *shrug* I don't know..I'm just not happy with this. And that is why I've been out and about trying to get local support from everyone to get these votes. I feel like if I made finals, and then got cut...I could be satisfied knowing I did all that I could. That I actually WORKED for those votes to be there. That's the kind of person I am. So for me to say that I'm happy with it, I'd be lying.
If I don't make it through voting round, I will go to work, work on my skills, and try again next year....working even harder. I know that there is a bigger purpose for me. My big break has to come sometime. With all the things we've been through as a family, all that we've given to so many others, eventually it has to make it's full circle back to me. Right?
That's what I'm hoping anyways. I'll just keep holding onto this hope until there isn't anything to hang onto left...and that'll be when the last two names are announced. In my heart, I feel like neither of those names will be mine, but that could just be the negative me speaking.

On another note.... I took state boards on Monday. Talk about terrifying. I was nervous the ENTIRE time. I will find out in about a week if I passed. I hope I did. I'm pretty confident that I did just fine though.

And last but not least- it's snowing here- finally. The kids are so excited, but I'm ready for it not to be slush so I can take them out to play in it! :)